Well, it had to happen sometime.

Toby got teeth recently, which are adorable. They are also incredibly sharp. Boyfriend likes to bite, and bite hard, on everything he can get near his head. Until today, that everything included my boob.

As I have noted before, I have a complex relationship with breastfeeding. I think I have been meaning to write something else since I was able to very successfully nurse Toby (with some supplementation, but at one point I was winning and the ratio was like 70/30 me), but as I have also noted before, breastfeeding might as well be a full time job in itself, so I just plain didn't get around to taking things back and clarifying and whatnot. Summary: breastfeeding is amazing. I feel like both Henry and I missed out a bit, even though he is a healthy little lad and I love him very much.

So Toby and the biting. I had been advised that if he bit, don't (repeat three times) pull him away because he will still be biting, and it will hurt. Um, this would be the biggest understatement ever - ouch! Mamas said discourage babe from biting by squishing him into your boob. Which works OK, except I seemed to forget that 8 of 10 times in the moment (soooo ouch!). The squishing was considered beyond hilarious by little man, who would wait like a snake in the grass to strike again. Charming. (Actually, it kind of was. He is incredibly adorable when his laughs, it's addictive like crack.)

This was the straw.

I have to admit that the timing works out for me. I've been kind of ready to go on a soy and dairy bender for a few weeks. It makes sense, Toby is seven months old. When I quit smoking (on more than one occasion, I am loathe to admit) I did great until about month six, seven, eight... It took years to bust through that wall and really and truly quit. If there was tobacco in like 80% of the things at the grocery store, I have a feeling I would not be on the wagon still. Dairy is in 80% of what is yummy, and soy is in 80% of everything, which limits you more than a bit. I have been practically bathing in cheese since earlier today (note that I don't even particularly like cheese normally). You see, I finally made the decision that it was time to wean.

Of course, that sounds so awful: I made the decision to wean. Really, it's been steadily happening for a while now. Toby has been pretty much comfort-nursing for a few months, because my supply was just not able to get up high enough to keep up with his monster-baby heft, and with schedules and craziness, and him being HUNGRY, he just has been getting more of his nutrition in nasty pre-digested powder form. The addition of solids has been slow; his tummy is still having a rough time, so sweet potatoes and squash seem to be the only things both he and his tummy agree are awesome so far. What stunk was that even though he was hardly nursing, if I screwed up just a little bit, he was a mess. Poor baby, we couldn't even tell if it really was the pears making him a nut, or mama accidentally ate hidden butter or soy lecithin. It's time to call it.

In the balance, we both got a great deal. We both to cuddle and share something special, and no soy, dairy, or tomatoes (and limited caffeine and peanuts) was completely worth it for those seven months. Breastfeeding is amazing, and I defy you to find anything sweeter than a nursing baby. (Seriously. Try. Sweetest thing in the world. For reals.) I will really and truly miss it. I might not have said this eight months ago, but that's precisely why I got such a good deal.

Now, Toby, you may bite away!

Support the Rights of Breastfeeding Mamas

Regardless of where you stand on what to feed babies (there is debate, see my discussions here and here), I assume that if you are reading this blog you support every mother's right to breastfeed wherever she darn well pleases, not to be fired for breastfeeding or pumping, and generally believe that breastfeeding mamas have rights that certainly ought to be protected.

Short aside: Why do I assume you are down? Because the chances that you are randomly reading this are slim. If we hang out, I think I would have picked up on your disdain for mamas feeding babies. If that's the case, we probably don't hang out anymore. Not trying to be a jerk here, but this is kind of a dealbreaker for me.

You should take a few minutes and go here to learn more about the Breastfeeding Promotion Act, introduced in Congress June 11. Not the first time it's been there, but maybe there is change in the air we can ride. Write, call , fax, generally harrass your members of Congress and get them on the bandwagon too. Hey, let's go to DC and do a nurse-in!

Living in Florida I have the right to nurse my baby anywhere I can legally be, but this is not the case all over. It's also not the case that you can nurse without fear on an airplane. Or that you can't be fired for breastfeeding or pumping - I have a friend who lost her job because she was committed to breastfeeding her baby. Not cool.

So take a moment and learn, and then get on it. Even if you are not a breastfeeding mama, you should support them!

Henry shorts.

SLUUT
Henry would be the happiest kid in the world if only he could read. It's not for lack of desire that he can't do it yet. He's obsessed with letters, and has taken to placing random magnetic letters into "words," reciting the letters, and asking us "what's that spell?" This morning he asked me what "S-L-U-U-T" spelled. While trying to decide how I should pronounce this one, I also couldn't help but hope that this was not some torrid thing he picked up at Ikea during our visit last week.

Conversation
Last night I let Bret take Toby so I could sleep. When I got up with Henry, I needed to both feed him breakfast and pump breastmilk because Toby was fed and asleep with Papa. So I decided that, since Henry has to watch Toby eat all the time, he could handle watching me pump. Here's how that turned out:

Henry: (pointing to breastpump apparatus stuck to me) Mommy, what's in there?
Me: In the bottle is milk for Toby.
H: No, what's in there?
M: That's mommy's boobie. It makes milk.
H: Put the boobie away, mommy.
M: Mommy needs to make milk for baby Toby. I'll cover it up. (I do, but keep pumping.)
H: No boobies! No boobies! No boobies!

He's right really. Boobies away at the dining table seems like a reasonable request. At least when no baby is eating that is.

Another thought on the politics of breastfeeding and motherhood in the US...

I know I went on and on here on breastfeeding culture and the ongoing discussion/debate about its impact on women, but I had another thought. And you know, this is where I go on and on about my thoughts.

One point that I thought all of the critical articles raised that I think is valid is that breastfeeding is not free because women's time is not free, and it is a significant commitment - physically and emotionally. It can totally be seen as work.

Of course, women's work on every level is devalued in our culture, both inside and outside the home. But ponder for a second - what if we paid women to do the work they do caring for babies? That would be kind of amazing, and a step toward valuing it in a more realistic way. I mean, CEO's make how much, while women get paid how much to be mamas? And which job ends up having more impact on our daily lives and our society? I mean, paternity leave would also help, because fatherhood is terribly undervalued as well and offering real paternity leave would demonstrate to papas that we value them and their contribution as parents as well.

But back to my point. Changing minds about the value of the work of breastfeeding is a totally class-charged thing in the US. We live in a society that doesn't even blink when a member of Congress gets on the floor of the House with a sign that reads "Do not feed the alligators" to illustrate his point that mothers on welfare should be cut off. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, depending on our own level of privilege, income, status, etc., the value we as a society place on mothering as work gets devalued when we degrade mothers on public assistance.

To be a family-friendly society, we have to deal with a lot of issues we have floating around involving racism, sexism, classism, and other deeply-rooted prejudices that are part of so many parts of our culture.

And that was what I was thinking.

So, breastfeeding...

I know I'm late to the discussion that has exploded in recent months, in part because I have been super busy, in part because I have a lot to say, and in part because I'm not terribly excited about trying to sort through all the issues. Breastfeeding is such a personal thing, and such a touchy thing - but I can't help myself.

I'll start by saying breastfeeding is great. I was a poster-child for breastfeeding. Literally. Huge photo of my mom breastfeeding me was part of the decor for the 1979 Year of the Child at the United Nations in NYC. My mom was hardcore Le Leche League, so nursing has always been how you feed a baby in my world. But, thanks to forces outside my control (nature? genetics? hormones in livestock?), I grew into some huge knockers, developed back problems, and decided to get breast reduction surgery when I was about 22. Oh my golly day, what freedom! Ye of small boobs, you have no idea how good you have it. I am still completely happy with my decision (and will likely have it again after I am done making babies if these things stick around, which seems to be what's happening...), but it meant that I had to deal with some serious physical and emotional issues when it came to feeding my baby.

Because I have this sort of bizarre perspective, I've really been interested in reading the recent articles that have been bashing breastfeeding. It seems like the first punch (in this round, anyway) was thrown by Hanna Rosin in the Atlantic with her piece The Case Against Breastfeeding. The title makes it sound a bit more inflammatory than it actually is, but it absolutely does challenge the notion that breastmilk is demonstrably better for babies, and does deconstruct breastfeeding culture in interesting ways. As this piece in Mother Jones by Debra Dickerson highlights, Rosin's article takes issue with the ways that breastfeeding culture has come to represent a new feminine ideal into which we must shove ourselves, dismissing the real impact that the work of breastfeeding has on mothers while whitewashing the physical and emotional demands as part of an idealized connection that a mother neglects if she does not breastfeed. Judith Warner puts a slightly different spin on the same point, proclaiming in her blog for the New York Times "Ban the Breastpump." She makes a stark argument that mothers of young babies should get more time off, have fewer demands, and be able to choose how to feed their baby without having to live like they are a dairy cow. She points out that we've fetishized breast MILK as a commodity that is best for babies, while devaluing mothers' presence with babies and making even more fervent demands of mothers' time for everything else in life.

I can't really argue with these points. I have to admit that part of the stress I had as a new mother stemmed from my guilt at not being able to exclusively breastfeed, and my feeling of inadequacy when I couldn't handle keeping up the impossible schedule of pumping, nursing, and feeding Henry formula for the first month. Honestly, feeding him formula completely freaked me out. I tried to time my arrival at mommy groups around his feeding schedule so I didn't have to give him a bottle in public. I felt like I had to explain to perfect strangers why I wasn't nursing, why I wasn't able to nurse, and how badly I felt about it.

And yet.

Breastfeeding is great. Breast milk is pretty incredible. After a friend of mine died just a few days after giving birth, I helped organize mamas to donate breast milk for her new baby, and I can't help but feel like that was important and special for her baby's early life. I'm glad so many women are committed to breastfeeding, and I am glad that there is a breastfeeding culture around me to make it an option for so many women. I want more real education for medical staff (see a great discussion about why this is important here).

For me, it's a complex thing. I guess it's tough to negotiate creating an environment that is sufficiently supportive of breastfeeding while also allowing moms to make truly informed choices about what will work best for them and their babies. Do we really need to make the case that breastfeeding is NOT great to give moms all their options? Why can't we have a blanced discussion that doesn't get entrenched in X is better than Y, period? Why aren't we asking more probing questions about the weight that we place on mothers to be absent from their babies? And why aren't we OK if moms choose to work away from their babies and pass along the feeding responsibilities to others (and don't pump)? Why aren't we talking about whether there is a new cult of true womanhood, and what this means for women's lives? And why aren't we working harder to protect women's ability to make choices about where and how to feed their babies? Or fighting to protect their ability to keep their jobs regardless of how they have decided to feed their babies?

So yeah. My contribution to the ongoing war of words.