Good friends

This morning I was talking to a mama on the phone. Me talking on the phone with a mama friend was something special in and of itself, but more on that later. She was talking about another mama moving away, and how sad it was because it's so hard to make new friends as an adult. Bingo! (She is such a smart mama.)

One of my half-written posts is about my aversion to the telephone. Here's the quick version of that: I hate the phone. I don't know why exactly. I don't like my cell phone or the house phone (yes, we still have a land line). I don't like picking up voicemail or listening to the answering machine. I'm not into making calls, and I tend to not even like getting calls about 95% of the time. I tolerate the phone as a necessary evil in my life, but I really dislike it tremendously.

When you really try to avoid the phone like I do, it makes it tough to hang out with people. Other people like the phone, and it is a very useful tool for making plans and keeping in touch. I'll give it all this, but I still hate it. So it's really tough to make plans and playdates, and moving beyond the kind of acquaintance, getting to know you kind of interaction gets pretty stunted.

My mommy groups have helped tremendously with overcoming this difficulty. I've found that mamas that I see because we have a regular meeting time and place have, by default, become my sort-of friends, and what's very cool is that many have become really-truly friends. Of course, I still feel like there are a lot of people in my extended community that I ought to see more often (or at all), but don't. Even with my mama friends, my reticence to get on the dang phone ends up making it tough to make friendships stick very well, especially now when life is shifting and there are fewer organized times and spaces for interactions -- meaning I've got to be more proactive in the reaching out and planning. I'm working on that pretty actively now.

I've been able to start the seeds of a community of mamas around me (or at least see that the seeds have been sown) but now it's time to get down to the business of really making that work. It's kind of exciting, especially now that I am not working and can be more flexible with the schedule. (I'm also a little more desperate for things to do, as trying to entertain Henry on my own every day is just plain crazy. Kid needs more variety than that, and frankly so do I!)

I am working on all this, because I really really like so many of my mama friends, and miss so many of my friends that I just don't talk to much anymore because of the differences in our lives. Getting out there is so good for me, and having kid-o's to hang with is so good for Henry. I see him learn words, social skills, even motor skills just about every time we hang out with kids, his age or not. It's going to be a little tougher pretty darn soon (Toby, hear that -- soon! Come on!) but I feel sure it will be worth it.

So if you want to hang out, go ahead and call. I'm into answering the phone right now.