In case anyone missed the point I am making here, let me elaborate: Yes, Toby needs his glasses to see. They are indeed corrective lenses. I'm not just trying to make him look cute. They are not sunglasses. Yes, he needs them to see. No, he's not going to outgrow the glasses in a few years. Yes, his glasses stay on his head with that strap. Sure, he tries to take them off sometimes, he's a baby. Yes, we know he needs to wear glasses. Yes, his doctors have ways of determining what power he needs. Sure, that's amazing. Yes, they do in fact make glasses for babies. Yes, THEY ARE REAL GLASSES.
Aside: If you are a parent who has considered putting fake glasses on your baby because it's cute, don't do it. It's jerky, to your baby and to the babies who need glasses. Don't do it. Period.
Apparently being of childbearing age opens you up to the most invasive and inappropriate comments from complete strangers. It gets progressively worse as
a) said strangers know you are thinking of having children,
b) you are pregnant (obviously or not, once someone knows this, your body is merely fodder for conversation), or
c) you have a baby.
I've heard about the insensitive and offensive comments of strangers to the trying to conceive and/or adopt from several friends, all of whom handle it well, but get annoyed deep down. I never personally had anyone jump on in and grab my baby belly, but I got plenty of comments about how huge I was and countless unsolicited horror-birth stories. That was great. Even while I was in labor, I was getting them from the nurses. Bret nearly had a fit, I had just gotten used to it. Having a baby just opens the floodgates.
If you have an apparently healthy baby, you get questions from complete strangers that are extremely personal (inevitably followed by what is often ridiculous advice) about how much and what you are feeding the baby, how much sleep you are getting, whether you had trouble conceiving, what your sleeping arrangements are... on and on. Even folks who would vote to ban all mention of a va-jay-jay in schools, or wax poetic about how inappropriate the "gay agenda" is because it is focused on sexual orientation have no problem getting all up in your very personal private-part business. Just by way of example, I had a grocery clerk ask me whether I had a vaginal birth straight out of the blue one day when I came through her line with Henry. Too shocked not to respond with what was essentialy a reflex "Yes," she then hit me with "did you have an episiotomy or tear?" WHAAAT?!?!
Things are a little tougher, or so I have found, if you have a baby that has an obvious issue. Toby wears glasses (did I mention that? He needs them to see.) We can't leave the house without having at least one person, and usually at about five people, make comments about his glasses. This doesn't count the many smiles and laughs we get, or even the straight up laughing and pointing. It's honestly exhausting, frustrating, maddening, but only occasionally sweet.
So here is a little primer on how we'd like to be approached, by strangers. I can't speak for anyone else, but I suspect that these guidelines might apply to kids with other medical issues or other differences as well.
1. Smiling at a sweet baby is fine. Commenting on his general cuteness, also fine. This is totally normal behavior around a baby, and yeah, he's pretty darn cute.
2. Even if you assume that they are sunglasses, you should pause before pointing and talking about his hater-blockers, his cool shades, or how he is ready for his photo op. Sunglasses on a baby could very well be there for a medical reason, but even if it's just for shade, unless you're sure of this you should check yourself. If your assumption is wrong, you could be incredibly insulting, and might get corrected by a mama who will make you feel like poo (or at least try to make you feel crappy - I start with "no, they're real glasses. He was born blind, so we're really lucky he is able to see now..." I am very passive aggressive, you had better watch out for me.) This is not a mistake you want to make.
3. Pointing is never, ever, ever, ever polite. If you want to show your friend, your spouse, your child, the checkout clerk, etc., the kid in glasses, stop and think about how much you are objectifying that kid with what you are doing and don't do it. It's damn mean, and you should know better.
4. If you are going to ask about the glasses, be prepared to get the response mom feels like giving. This could just be "yes, they're real glasses." If someone doesn't want to get into the whole back story of her child's personal, medical history with you in the supermarket, it's really OK. It's her right, and her baby's right, not to have to share it with you, a stranger. If you ask follow up questions and get very very short responses, be respectful. You may be the tenth person that day to ask, and mama may be done with sharing with strangers for the day. THIS IS OK, really really.
5. Don't approach the difference as something tragic, or as a "blessing in disguise," or a "miracle." You, as a stranger, certainly don't get to make that kind of value judgment about the situation. And my feelings about it are absolutely none of your business.
6. Also, please leave people who are trying to have a baby/adopt, pregnant women, and parents with babies alone about their personal lives. Unless you know them very well, it's really none of your business. (And even then they might want you to butt out!)
Toby might not need both his glasses and his contacts pretty soon, but I might keep him in glasses so that in the event he needs them again when he is 2 we don't have such fight about it. This was advice I got from a TSA checker in San Francisco, unsolicited. The first thing out of her mouth was "My son was a baby in glasses at that age too, does everybody bug you about it?"
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