Wordless Wednesday: Kitchen Facelift, Phase 2 Plan

Open Letter Weekend

This open letter may not be of the usual ilk, so bear with me. It's been an exceptionally long week, and long weekend, so I'm not feeling prickly or perky or funny or any of those things that make for a good, fun open letter. I prefer that sort, but tonight you get me as I am, which is this:

And Open Letter to Parents of Neuro Typical Children, and Parents of Children without Major Medical Issues:

I understand. It's a mama law. Where one is standing feels like the clearest place in the world, even when it is difficult. One's own struggle feels like it is the most important, and one's own experience feels like it is somehow both linked to all others and somehow completely unique. I understand the reflex to compare children, to compare experience, to relate the experience that you are hearing from another parent to your own experience as a parent, or to a parent that you know, or the parent you saw on a TV show. I understand.

I beg you to stop.

As the parent of one child with Asperger's Syndrome and hyperlexia, and another who wears contacts and/or glasses due to surgeries in his first few weeks of life to remove congenital cataracts, I plead with you to stop. My struggle with their issues is my own, and I admit that I feel like it's the most important thing in the world. Their struggles (and my own) feel like they are connected to all other children's issues and also unique. Both of these things are true, but we are living a different life that you genuinely can't understand. It's OK. We are OK.

The thing is, it's been a long week. Potty training an almost four year old boy with Asperger's is damn hard. Potty training is never fun, I know. There is SO MUCH poop, why doesn't anyone ever get real about the poop? But here's the thing: even though Henry is very high functioning, it might take years to potty train him. Please, please stop telling me that "you've never seen someone wearing diapers in his dorm room!" because the reality is that there are autistic people who are not toilet trained at sixteen. There is so much neuro-typicality baggage in that one statement that I have heard countless times since Henry turned three, I can hardly unpack all of it. It's time to step back, and just let us work through this one. If your kid is potty trained, I'm so so so glad for you. Please, unless I am asking, don't tell me more.

I sometimes wonder if I am the only mama with an ASD child that feels like the weight of the world makes my connections with other parents far more difficult. I've come across some amazing blogs by mamas of ASD kids recently that have helped me cry, embrace some of the emotional weight I am carrying about, and realize that while isolated in some ways, I'm not alone. My world has shifted, but if you are a mama I love with a neuro-typical child, please understand that I love you to bits and pieces; I just have fewer pieces of myself to hand about right now. I still need you in my life, I still miss you. I'm just juggling so much with therapy and everything else that the thought of trying to explain all of this every time it comes up is, well, overwhelming.

And at the same time, I feel the weight you must when it comes to talking to me. How many times have I thought "How lucky I am to have two beautiful boys, who are doing so well, and who don't have a major medical issue that requires full time nursing care?" or "How lucky I am that my children can move on their own and feed themselves?" I shouldn't feel like my issues are the worst, because I know that they aren't. But, I am every parent. My children are the center of the universe. It's a mama law. It's OK. I understand. I do.

With love and care,
Virginia

Wordless Wednesday: Our Very Long Day

And It's not really going to let up anytime soon...

We're going to see some changes around here...

I realize that I've been terrible about updating both this blog and The Hamstock Family blog. I'm working to rectify this by giving myself some deadlines, and projects, that should function both as inspiration and as motivation.

First, I'll be instituting Wordless Wednesdays. I'm completely stealing this idea from other friends and mama bloggers (like Be Nice to Mama), but I'm stealing it because I love it. Also, I have an iPhone, and I take pictures, so this seems like a reasonable goal that everyone can enjoy.

Second, soon you will get to enjoy Open Letter Weekends. I've gotten lots of lovely feedback on my open letters here, and it's a format I enjoy. I love it for kvetching, and also for finding humor in anger or absurdity. Rather than trying to craft pithy Facebook updates or tweets on the topics I find myself mulling over every week, I'll just hold them for the weekends and send the thoughts put directly.

Over at The Hamstock Family blog, you will get more stories and photos, and I will also be pestering Papa to post as well. It will be more fun that way. I can't promise anything concrete, but I will certainly be trying.

So keep coming back. I'm working on it.

Ouch.

If we've spent any real time together, you likely know that I have had to endure extreme dental work over the years an, ahem, dislike the dentist. I love my dentist, but hate the dentist in the abstract. My teeth are sensitive and a mess, and all the stuff to fix them hurts and is expensive. And it stresses me out.

Recently, I had my first actual toothache. I couldn't shake it. I had to go to the dentist here, not in Vero Beach where I generally see my good lady-dentist who I adore. After Xrays and cleaning and repairs, I still have a toothache and might need a root canal. Awesome. I'm off to see this Gainesville fellow this afternoon, hoping there is some way to make things feel better until I can get myself down south, where I like to open my mouth a tiny bit more. (She gives me Halcion also. This helps.)

Basically, I am complaining because I am stressed out and annoyed at my teeth, and wanting everyone to feel bad for me and bring me treats. Got it? Mwah.

Friday afternoon

Friday afternoon
Originally uploaded by Hamstocks

We were supposed to be running errands. I think Henry had asked me a question about something literally one moment before I took this. There was no rousing him. No grocery store. No Target. Just a drive home.

Henry has pretty well ditched naptime, which is fine. He sleeps at night well, and generally can make it through dinner without a complete meltdown. OK, occasionally he can, but that has more to do with other factors.

I miss the days of coordinated naps. I long for that hour when both boys are sleeping and I get to just be still. Or do the dishes, or something. Now Toby sleeps before Henry gets home from school, and when Henry passes out in the late afternoon, Toby is far from sleep. It keeps us a bit tethered to the house, since you can't run in someplace and leave a kid in the car. Thank goodness for drive through. Mama needs a Diet Coke now and again!

So that's all. Not anything terribly substantial today, just a little blurb about the trials of two who do not coordinate sleep. I'm trying to get my brain back, and find some time to put thoughts down in the computer. Again, with the non-coordinated naps, fining that time is a little bit of a challenge. Keep checking, I promise it will improve.

Mama's got a new bike (in theory)

This is the winner
Originally uploaded by Bret, Virginia, Henry, and Toby

After hemming and hawing and calling around all over the state of Florida to see if anyone, anywhere, had something in stock from the 2010 model year, I had to order a bike. When one orders a bike and knows that the wait will be a few months, that extra $100 for a nicer ride doesn't feel so bad - I mean, if I have to wait, I should get precisely what I want, no?

So here it is, the winner. It's all ordered and should be on it's way to me just as soon as it can be... sometime this winter. I am hoping sooner rather than later as the old Fuji hybrid I pulled out of storage and had fixed up just enough to ride is just awful. Bret notes that this will make the fabulous new bike all the more luxurious when it arrives, but then he is riding a speedy road bike while I am stuck on a clunker puling 100 pounds of kid and trailer. Hmmm.

We will be riding to school tomorrow morning for the first time. The boys and their watermelon helmets are beyond cute. Henry has been wearing his for two days, almost non-stop. I'm hoping the novelty wears off only enough to let him feel like wearing it when we are riding is enough, rather than trying to explain to strangers why your three year old is in a helmet in the grocery store. But I'll take it if it means he'll wear it on the road. I love their brains.

D is for DRUMS!

D is for DRUMS!
Originally uploaded by Bret, Virginia, Henry, and Toby

Henry rocks. It's just that simple.

Soliciting advice

Seriously, I am very much requesting replies here.

This summer we went strawberry and blueberry picking, and kind of went over the top. We have a TON of frozen berries, and I need suggestions for how to use them. Oh, and how exactly to do things, like make a blueberry pie using frozen berries without making soup.

For the record, I did wash all berries before freezing, and the strawberries are cut into quarters and cored (or whatever you call getting out the stem and white bit in the middle). I did NOT lay all berries out on a sheet and freeze and THEN bag - sue me. The blueberries are in 4 cup bags (yes, the amount for a pie, this was purposeful) and the strawberries are not really measured, mainly in gallon bags.

Bring it. I need some room in our freezer. It is not large, and this berry situation is a little nutty. At the same time, I plan to keep some for those long, lean months before the next berry season is upon us, but I want these recipes now so I can plan ahead.

Bring it.

Love.

I like Paul Krugman.

Not just because my husband works for a local government either.

Read this, I say.

Bikes and More.

Recently, we got this amazing bike trailer. Of course, because I don't have a bike I care to ride (meaning, one that fits and has not been sitting unused for more than a year in the elements) it is a really amazing stroller for the moment, but we're working on it.

I am in process of deciding what bike to get. I have my eye on a couple of lovelies: this Felt Cafe Deluxe 8, and this Electra Euro 8D. The Electra won't be available for a couple of months, which is less than fantastic, but it's niiiiice. The Felt is on it's way to a local bike shop so I can test it, and will be here in about a week. I could also build an Electra bike similar to the Euro with a more basic Electra frame that is in stock at another local shop, and throw on fenders and a rack. Or I could go with something entirely different, like a lovely Raliegh step through!

Oh decisions.

One easy decision was picking out helmets for the boys' noggins. How cute are these? One in Henry size and one in Toby size are on the way here now...

Our life in videos for the past few weeks...

Catching up is hard. We've been out of touch for a while, I know. We're on it. Or getting on it. Enjoy the movies!



















You can alsways see more on our YouTube page, which can be found here:
Hamstocks on YouTube

My life these days...

Toby, abstract
Originally uploaded by Bret, Virginia, Henry, and Toby

A blur, but very cool. And filled with blurry children, in many colors. I'll be back soon, I have things to say, promise. Love.

Even baby boys.

I'm not sure if it's the covers, or the location of the shelf-space in which they reside, but my kids seem to have a deep love for bell hooks. Here is Toby, in his favorite reading chair, proving that feminism really is for everybody.



(This doesn't mean that anyone can label her or himself a feminist spouting of whatever they want - Mrs. Palin, ahem, I am casting a sideways glance at you - but it does mean that yes, feminism really is for everybody. Or that it ought to be.)

Operation Psychotic Potty Training Bootcamp to commence in three days...

It's all planned. Bret is taking Toby to Tampa for the day (overnight?) and Henry and I are getting down to the business of potty training in serious form. I'm terrified, both of the exhaustion we will both be feeling (the plan involves nothing but potty talk and lots of running around and practicing running to the potty) and the emotional drain nonstop potty talk will have on my psyche.

Aside: if potty talk is TMI, deal. Skip it. Move on. The title should have tipped you off, really really.

I'm hoping it is the magic bullet. Henry does not fear the potty, and is happy to pee on whatever big or small toilet is available, just not on his own, and definitely not to the exclusion of peeing in a diaper. Poop, well, we just can't even go there yet.

I'm done with having two kids in diapers. Done. I spend hours (OK, sometimes it's not just me - other caregivers are involved too) every day getting way too intimate with bodily functions, especially on the wonderful days when both boys poo like four times.

I'm fully going back to a controversial book written in the seventies for this one. I need to get supplies (anyone know where to get a doll that pees when you give it water?) and make a plan and get snacks and treats and drinks. Oh, and spend the next few days depriving Henry of yummy snacks and drinks to make them tasty.

In addition, we have stuff to DO this weekend, so this really better work in the day they promise. I'm pessimistic. This is not the best way to go into the experiment, so I'm also working on getting myself pumped up. If anyone cates to offer a cash prize as motivation for mama, feel free to make an offer. Like a small chd, I respond positively to rewards.

I'll update, if I'm not too traumatized at the end if the whole thing.

Mama and the boys

Mama and the boys
Originally uploaded by Bret, Virginia, Henry, and Toby

Yup, that's us.

Have you checked us out lately?

I tend to update on the boys over here:
The Hamstock Family

Occasionally, these silly little updates take over my world, explaining the dearth of coherent, adult thoughts recorded here. One day, you'll be sick of my adult ramblings, I swear.

In the meanwhile, enjoy my adorable kids.

Testing, testing, 1-2-3, testing

I'm sending this put from the iPhone, which is kind of exciting. This might mean more posts, but I can't promise anything. Just try it and see...

Seriously, hands are full.

I wish I could formulate something of value. I can't, both because I am stretched obscenely thin and because both boys are vying for attention even now. But I did get that iPhone, so here is some of that video I can shoot and post on the fly... this is great fun. But back to the mama work I do...

Mother's Day

This year, I am trying to find peace and joy in Mother' Day. So instead of trying to get all intellectual or confessional this weekend, I will just paste. Because mamas are connected, because I'm a mama who loves peace, and because I love other mamas who love peace.

Mother's Day Proclamation, 1870, by Julia Ward Howe

Arise, then, women of this day!

Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:
"We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace,
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God.

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

And also, Marylynn, I miss you so much.