Mama Law

There are certain things I have come to love about being a mama. There are things we can expect, things that seem axiomatic, things that soothe and comfort even in the midst of complete chaos. These are Mama Laws that only mamas get to know.

Even though perhaps the biggest Mama Law of all is that nothing is totally within your control anymore, I have found that I can expect and embrace that most of the time. I've learned to let things go, and can even find peace in a messy house, a hectic week, or a midnight waking.

But there are other, powerful Mama Laws. One Mama Law is that as mamas, even when we can't control things, we can love. We can support. We can nurture our babies. We are strong, and are there to protect them as fragile little creatures who are new to the world. We are fierce, even as we are the peaceful center of these beautiful children's lives. We protect, even when we are terrified or sad or confused. We may not have control, but we find strength that defies reason.

As with any law, there are exceptions. All human bodies are fragile, from the tiniest baby to the healthiest mama. Sometimes, completely outside of anyone's control, bodies break. Even mamas die.

Throughout my pregnancy with Henry and through his infancy, I was supported by a group of mamas in my neighborhood. Beautiful, strong mamas who were peaceful and reassuring. Mamas who shared in my joy, calmed my fears, and introduced me gently to the world of being a mama.

One of these beautiful, vibrant mamas died unexpectedly last week four days after giving birth to her second baby. There was no way to predict the pulmonary embolism, and no way to prevent or treat it. She was a strong mama, a powerful mama, but bodies are fragile and so the cruel exception to the Mama Law of Strength leaves all of us who deeply loved her trying to make sense of things.

When the words "Marylynn died" were uttered, my world shifted in ways I can't explain. For me, Mother's Day (two days later) was harder than I thought I could bear. I wanted to think of anything except being a mama. I slept. I blocked it out. I couldn't celebrate the joys of being a mama when the Fierce, Strong Mama Law was not enough to protect one of the strongest mamas I have ever known.

But then there is the Mama Law that there is even peace in chaos. It's in honor of Mama Marylynn that I will celebrate this Mama Law for now, and work to find peace and strength even in this chaos.

Note: It wasn't a pulmonary embolism after all, but rather what I believe is called "spontaneous arterial dissection."