so...

...bret's on facebook now. look him up. now we'll be in the loop.

i'm still not joining, so there.

When you are on a budget, but fabulous.

I have an extended family that is not biologically connected to me, but might as well be. One of these "sisters" is a writer who is so clever it's sick. She is funny, and terribly witty, so her blog is really fun to read. And useful, too, as she always has fun fashion and gift ideas for under $50. She even gave a shout out to my little Toby (and we got a killer gift!). Check her out at Poor Couture, because who doesn't crave clever, fashionable, and affordable?

Support the Rights of Breastfeeding Mamas

Regardless of where you stand on what to feed babies (there is debate, see my discussions here and here), I assume that if you are reading this blog you support every mother's right to breastfeed wherever she darn well pleases, not to be fired for breastfeeding or pumping, and generally believe that breastfeeding mamas have rights that certainly ought to be protected.

Short aside: Why do I assume you are down? Because the chances that you are randomly reading this are slim. If we hang out, I think I would have picked up on your disdain for mamas feeding babies. If that's the case, we probably don't hang out anymore. Not trying to be a jerk here, but this is kind of a dealbreaker for me.

You should take a few minutes and go here to learn more about the Breastfeeding Promotion Act, introduced in Congress June 11. Not the first time it's been there, but maybe there is change in the air we can ride. Write, call , fax, generally harrass your members of Congress and get them on the bandwagon too. Hey, let's go to DC and do a nurse-in!

Living in Florida I have the right to nurse my baby anywhere I can legally be, but this is not the case all over. It's also not the case that you can nurse without fear on an airplane. Or that you can't be fired for breastfeeding or pumping - I have a friend who lost her job because she was committed to breastfeeding her baby. Not cool.

So take a moment and learn, and then get on it. Even if you are not a breastfeeding mama, you should support them!

Henry shorts.

SLUUT
Henry would be the happiest kid in the world if only he could read. It's not for lack of desire that he can't do it yet. He's obsessed with letters, and has taken to placing random magnetic letters into "words," reciting the letters, and asking us "what's that spell?" This morning he asked me what "S-L-U-U-T" spelled. While trying to decide how I should pronounce this one, I also couldn't help but hope that this was not some torrid thing he picked up at Ikea during our visit last week.

Conversation
Last night I let Bret take Toby so I could sleep. When I got up with Henry, I needed to both feed him breakfast and pump breastmilk because Toby was fed and asleep with Papa. So I decided that, since Henry has to watch Toby eat all the time, he could handle watching me pump. Here's how that turned out:

Henry: (pointing to breastpump apparatus stuck to me) Mommy, what's in there?
Me: In the bottle is milk for Toby.
H: No, what's in there?
M: That's mommy's boobie. It makes milk.
H: Put the boobie away, mommy.
M: Mommy needs to make milk for baby Toby. I'll cover it up. (I do, but keep pumping.)
H: No boobies! No boobies! No boobies!

He's right really. Boobies away at the dining table seems like a reasonable request. At least when no baby is eating that is.

Still here. Well, back I guess.

So my last post was from the wee hours of May 17. Funny. Before that day was done, I had given birth to my second child. Toby was short and fat, and very sweet.

Life has kind of completely flopped around for us, too. I mean, we knew going into baby #2 that things would be different around here, but I know I had no idea how many things would change so dramatically so quickly.

First, Toby's had a rough start. He was born with cataracts in both eyes, so he was basically blind. Our pediatrician caught it right away, and as soon as we were discharged from the hospital the day after he was born we headed to a surgeon who does neonatal eye surgery for consultation. Before we even headed home, we were scheduled for surgery on his right eye one week later, and his left eye the next week. We had to act right away to prevent damage to his long-term ability to process visual information, which is apparently a huge risk when dealing with eye issues in tiny ones. It has been scary as hell, and exhausting to a level I have never experienced. Overnights in the kids ward at the hospital are absolutely hellish.

Now we are working out a schedule of eye drops that makes my head spin, and he is already in contact lenses so he can have some focus (since he now has no lenses in his eyes). We're exploring glasses in another month or so. And lots of appointments. But Toby can see, and how incredible is that?

Second, Henry suddenly seems so grown up to me. Literally the day after Toby was born and he came to see me I was taken aback by how BIG he is. After holding a tiny baby, a two year old just seems humungous. Changing his diaper is weird, and holding his hand is different. He's also made a seamless transition to a big boy bed, and spent a week with my parents while we dealt with surgeries and recovery. He's like a little man now. It's wonderful and amazing, but it makes me a little sad because he is my special baby, and he's just not my baby anymore. (The hormones make me more than a little sad about this.) He's starting school in a week, and seems so independent suddenly. How I love this boy, and how I need to figure out how to let go a little because all I want to do is cuddle him, and keep him from getting any bigger.

Being a mama is amazing, but it has felt so intense these past few weeks. It's like the experience so far has been practice, and now I'm the MOM with a real kid, and a sick baby, in serious situations that require me to be a grown up, be strong, be brave, not cry, and be a MOM. I have to be tough and fierce and fight for my kids, and I have to make really serious decisions about their lives. I know, I've been doing this for more than two years, but somehow these past three weeks have hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm the mom camping out in the hospital room with her baby. I'm the mom handing the baby over to the doctor for surgery, and I'm the mom the baby is crying for when he wakes up. I'm the mom who suddenly refuses to touch dairy because it makes her baby's insides do scary things. I'm the mom Henry might have missed (I think he was fine) on his first visit overnight away from home, and I'm going to be the mom taking him to school and helping with projects and classroom events and all such things.

Here I am. I'm the mom. Breathe.