Recently, I have noticed a lot of mamas talking and writing about how it took them a long time to bond with their babies. I've seen articles like this, and when a mama friend recently wrote this, I can't even tell you how many mamas in our playgroup said that they had felt the same way. I've had mamas from other groups I am in say similar things, and had several mama-friends tell me that they didn't really bond with baby until the baby was more interactive, or that the baby felt more like an appendage than a person for the first few months.
This was not my experience. Although I feel like I am in the minority, I have to admit that I was immediately, wholly, and completely smitten from just about the moment Henry was born. Even after 24 hours of labor on 2 hours of sleep, I think I stayed awake almost continuously for the next 48 hours, unable to take my eyes off of him even when he was fast asleep. If I was unprepared for anything, it was the intensity of the emotion and the feeling of shift in self and surrender to this tiny person.
As babies go, Henry was a bit unusual. He was bursting with personality from the start. I had spent my whole pregnancy warning Bret that babies don't make eye contact or interact right away, and it might take some time for our baby not to look and seem a bit like an alien. But Henry wrecked all my conceptions of babies by making and sustaining eye contact the first day, holding his head up, smiling - honestly, it felt like he was actively bonding with us. He continued to shake my expectations throughout babyhood: he was like a clock, eating and sleeping regularly (with no prompting or "training"); he slept well, and consistently; he never got sick; he never, ever really cried; he smiled and laughed regularly at first, and constantly from about 4 or 5 weeks old. I could say that I tapped an infinite well of patience that made me love being a mommy to a baby from the beginning, but I think having Henry as that baby made it a lot easier. Trust me, I have no idea how I managed to get what might be the happiest baby I have ever heard of.
Now that I am about to have my second son, I worry about this bonding issue. If it takes me longer to bond this time around, how will I handle it? I know that as Henry has entered toddlerhood (well, really since he turned two) he has become quite a bit more unpredictable and difficult to manage. I have found myself far less patient than I was when he was a baby, and that worries me too. Will I find that well of patience that I was ready to tap into when Henry was born, or will the new baby get a much more high-strung mama? How will I negotiate dealing with the frustrations that come with a two-year-old while I also mother a newborn? How does developing a bond with another baby really impact your first baby with whom you have this incredibly strong, organic bond?
I'm also worried that because Henry was such an easy baby, I am totally uprepared for the reality of life with a baby. Maybe lighting will strike twice, and maybe my new baby will be super-mellow, engaged, and happy all the time. Maybe. Or, more likely, I will have to completely re-learn how to be a mama for this new person, and it may take a little longer to get to know him. It's nice to know that if it does take a little longer this time around, there is a posse of mamas who know how that feels.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
From the archives.
An Open Letter to the Designers and Manufacturers of Clothing for Infants
November 6, 2007
Dear Designers and Manufacturers of Infant Clothing:
I know that your wacky and totally random guides to sizing are not really your fault, because babies truly come in all shapes and sizes. I have gotten over my gripes about having to remove scratchy tags and deal with weird, stretchy necklines, because these things seem inevitable aspects of clothing generally, and really seem to be inextricably tied to baby clothes specifically.
There is one thing that, no matter how much I try to rationalize it, I simply do not understand. You all need to get together and discuss this, because I think all of you are to blame on this one.
My nine month old has no need for hip pockets in his jeans, khakis, sweatpants, or any other pants. His motor skills are very advanced for his age, but not even the most advanced nine month old needs hip pockets.
I think we can all agree that pockets on baby clothes generally serve no practical purpose. Babies don’t have cell phones or wallets to tote around. I would guess that any toy that passes the toilet-paper-roll test would fail the tiny-baby-pocket-size test, and that by the time they realize that these little pouches attached to their clothes are a great place to stash a handful of Cheerios, those babies would have grown up to be toddlers. This hip pocket thing has been happening since he was born.
I concede that there are (dubious) fashion components to butt pockets, the over-sized pockets on the legs of cargo pants, the front pocket on overalls, and even the breast pockets on baby tees. In fact, I will go so far as to say that I have seen these breast pockets utilized as anchors for pacifier tethers.
I also admit that I while I think the above-referenced pockets are over-the-top on baby gear, I can see the point. Not so with the hip pocket.
In the wash, both adult and baby pockets are turned inside out. Adults can put hands in pockets to flatten them out, babies just look goofy and unkempt about half the time. These little pockets do nothing (even in theory) but make the baby pants more “adult-like,” which may on some level be "cute," but is really pure silliness.
Please, consider sewing these pockets shut and eliminating the guts of the inside pouch. I think you’ll find that this would prove to be a very small change in your operations, and might even save you money in the long run with savings on fabric for the innards.
Get it together people. All things considered, I think I have been rather patient with you all, and deserve this one thing.
Sincerely,
VCH
The above was submitted to McSweeney's Open Letters, but apparently I thought it was more clever than they did as it was ignored. My mommy message board thought it was hilarious though, so take that.
November 6, 2007
Dear Designers and Manufacturers of Infant Clothing:
I know that your wacky and totally random guides to sizing are not really your fault, because babies truly come in all shapes and sizes. I have gotten over my gripes about having to remove scratchy tags and deal with weird, stretchy necklines, because these things seem inevitable aspects of clothing generally, and really seem to be inextricably tied to baby clothes specifically.
There is one thing that, no matter how much I try to rationalize it, I simply do not understand. You all need to get together and discuss this, because I think all of you are to blame on this one.
My nine month old has no need for hip pockets in his jeans, khakis, sweatpants, or any other pants. His motor skills are very advanced for his age, but not even the most advanced nine month old needs hip pockets.
I think we can all agree that pockets on baby clothes generally serve no practical purpose. Babies don’t have cell phones or wallets to tote around. I would guess that any toy that passes the toilet-paper-roll test would fail the tiny-baby-pocket-size test, and that by the time they realize that these little pouches attached to their clothes are a great place to stash a handful of Cheerios, those babies would have grown up to be toddlers. This hip pocket thing has been happening since he was born.
I concede that there are (dubious) fashion components to butt pockets, the over-sized pockets on the legs of cargo pants, the front pocket on overalls, and even the breast pockets on baby tees. In fact, I will go so far as to say that I have seen these breast pockets utilized as anchors for pacifier tethers.
I also admit that I while I think the above-referenced pockets are over-the-top on baby gear, I can see the point. Not so with the hip pocket.
In the wash, both adult and baby pockets are turned inside out. Adults can put hands in pockets to flatten them out, babies just look goofy and unkempt about half the time. These little pockets do nothing (even in theory) but make the baby pants more “adult-like,” which may on some level be "cute," but is really pure silliness.
Please, consider sewing these pockets shut and eliminating the guts of the inside pouch. I think you’ll find that this would prove to be a very small change in your operations, and might even save you money in the long run with savings on fabric for the innards.
Get it together people. All things considered, I think I have been rather patient with you all, and deserve this one thing.
Sincerely,
VCH
The above was submitted to McSweeney's Open Letters, but apparently I thought it was more clever than they did as it was ignored. My mommy message board thought it was hilarious though, so take that.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Henry loves Muno - A Knitting Project
So Muno is a dancing red cyclops (who is "tall and friendly") on the show Yo Gabba Gabba! - Henry loves to dance and sing with the show, and I wanted to get crazy with a knitting project, so I designed a Muno doll for him. It took kind of a long time - double-pointed needles for knitting in the round are great, but much harder to use with such little yarn, and when making such a little guy. (Hats are infinitely easier, I think). In the end, it was worth it. Henry loves his Muno doll, I got to feel pretty kick ass about making something for him, and now I get to share (I hope it's right - I'm a few months out from the original design...) You can see more pics of Muno in the post below, or on our Flickr page here.
I learned to use double-point needles (dpn) after reading this, and this, which were very helpful. They really aren't that scary when you give them a chance.
I used Lily Cotton yarn (Sugar 'n Cream) in some reddish color - eyeball the color, really the best idea. I only used one regular skein for the project. I used an ivory Sugar 'n Cream for the eyes, and whatever black yarn was on hand for the mouth and middle of the eyeball. You'll need size 5 dpns, size 5 needles, and a good embroidery needle. Oh, and polyfill to stuff it (but not a lot).
The "Pattern" (in my crazy little way)
The body:
Cast on 35s to three or four size 5 dpns. Knitting in the round will give you stockinette, so just go for about 4 inches (about 37 times around, give or take). Knit 10s, then knit 2 together 2x, then knit 9 then 2 together - for a total of one time around. You should now have 32s on. Knit in the round for about an inch and a half (about 10 times around). Now, start decreasing fast - I can't remember my exact math, but it was fast, like knit 2, knit 2 together, for a couple of rounds, then knit 1, knit 2 together. When you are down to about 10-7 stitches on, bind off by using the tail to scoop up the loops from the remaining stitches and pulling together. Leave the tail SUPER long (a couple feet), you'll need it later.
The legs:
(repeat this two times)
Cast on 18s on a regular size 5 straight needle. Knit in stockinette for about 30 rows (about 3.5 inches). Increase by one or two stitches, then continue knitting for another half inch (about 5 or so rows). Cast off as you usually do, and leave a good tail for sewing later.
The arms:
Cast on 10s as for legs above. Knit stockinette for 26 rows, then begin the decrease by knitting three, knitting 2 together for one row. Purl across one row. Then knit 2, knit 2 together. Purl across one row. Knit one, knit 2 together. Scoop up remaining loops and pull together, leaving bit of a tail.
Stick it all together:
Sew up one end of each of the legs with the tails, using the needle. And sew up the seams, also, so you have two sock-like things. Fill with a bit of polyfill (not too much, you want Muno to wiggle and dance).
Fill the body with polyfill (again, not too much, make it fun and floppy a little bit).
Sew the open ends of the legs onto the open end of the body, making sure the "crotch" is all sewn together. Put the seams of the legs in toward the center and you won't even see them. Oh, and it makes the feet look good too.
Sew up the seams of the arms, use no fill. Sew them onto the body about 2/3 of the way up the body (below the decrease you knitted, but not too low - about 1/3 down from the closed portion - the head). Of course, line them up with the legs, and put the seams on the BACK of the arms. They'll get floppy enough - no fill works really well. It's OK if they are flattish - it looks good anyway.
Use whatever long tails you have left to make the bumps. With the head, go in through the top and pull it down (you don't want a pointy head!) it's a good start. Pull the needle through the fill and make the bumps with basic sewing stitches - randomly all over. About 3 or 4 stitches make a good bump. Go all over - legs, arms, all over. Just pull through the fill - it may poke out a little, but it will be ok and settle.
For the eye and the mouth, start with the base color (white for the eye, black for the mouth) and sew on the feature. No real proper way to do it - just sew it on. Make a big tail and pull the needle through leaving a long tail inside the fill. This will anchor it without making it look bad. Oh, and don't forget the teeth (white) and the inside of the eyeball (black).
If this makes no sense, call me or something. And enjoy!
I will add some more patterns soon - I have bunches I have tried out, although many are totally boring and invented or have been stolen from great knitting blogs!
I learned to use double-point needles (dpn) after reading this, and this, which were very helpful. They really aren't that scary when you give them a chance.
I used Lily Cotton yarn (Sugar 'n Cream) in some reddish color - eyeball the color, really the best idea. I only used one regular skein for the project. I used an ivory Sugar 'n Cream for the eyes, and whatever black yarn was on hand for the mouth and middle of the eyeball. You'll need size 5 dpns, size 5 needles, and a good embroidery needle. Oh, and polyfill to stuff it (but not a lot).
The "Pattern" (in my crazy little way)
The body:
Cast on 35s to three or four size 5 dpns. Knitting in the round will give you stockinette, so just go for about 4 inches (about 37 times around, give or take). Knit 10s, then knit 2 together 2x, then knit 9 then 2 together - for a total of one time around. You should now have 32s on. Knit in the round for about an inch and a half (about 10 times around). Now, start decreasing fast - I can't remember my exact math, but it was fast, like knit 2, knit 2 together, for a couple of rounds, then knit 1, knit 2 together. When you are down to about 10-7 stitches on, bind off by using the tail to scoop up the loops from the remaining stitches and pulling together. Leave the tail SUPER long (a couple feet), you'll need it later.
The legs:
(repeat this two times)
Cast on 18s on a regular size 5 straight needle. Knit in stockinette for about 30 rows (about 3.5 inches). Increase by one or two stitches, then continue knitting for another half inch (about 5 or so rows). Cast off as you usually do, and leave a good tail for sewing later.
The arms:
Cast on 10s as for legs above. Knit stockinette for 26 rows, then begin the decrease by knitting three, knitting 2 together for one row. Purl across one row. Then knit 2, knit 2 together. Purl across one row. Knit one, knit 2 together. Scoop up remaining loops and pull together, leaving bit of a tail.
Stick it all together:
Sew up one end of each of the legs with the tails, using the needle. And sew up the seams, also, so you have two sock-like things. Fill with a bit of polyfill (not too much, you want Muno to wiggle and dance).
Fill the body with polyfill (again, not too much, make it fun and floppy a little bit).
Sew the open ends of the legs onto the open end of the body, making sure the "crotch" is all sewn together. Put the seams of the legs in toward the center and you won't even see them. Oh, and it makes the feet look good too.
Sew up the seams of the arms, use no fill. Sew them onto the body about 2/3 of the way up the body (below the decrease you knitted, but not too low - about 1/3 down from the closed portion - the head). Of course, line them up with the legs, and put the seams on the BACK of the arms. They'll get floppy enough - no fill works really well. It's OK if they are flattish - it looks good anyway.
Use whatever long tails you have left to make the bumps. With the head, go in through the top and pull it down (you don't want a pointy head!) it's a good start. Pull the needle through the fill and make the bumps with basic sewing stitches - randomly all over. About 3 or 4 stitches make a good bump. Go all over - legs, arms, all over. Just pull through the fill - it may poke out a little, but it will be ok and settle.
For the eye and the mouth, start with the base color (white for the eye, black for the mouth) and sew on the feature. No real proper way to do it - just sew it on. Make a big tail and pull the needle through leaving a long tail inside the fill. This will anchor it without making it look bad. Oh, and don't forget the teeth (white) and the inside of the eyeball (black).
If this makes no sense, call me or something. And enjoy!
I will add some more patterns soon - I have bunches I have tried out, although many are totally boring and invented or have been stolen from great knitting blogs!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Coming soon...
Kitting patterns (or my interpretation of how to write a knitting pattern - including the favorite toy seen here), clarifications on past posts, eating crow, and my thoughts on some of the reasons becoming a mama of two makes me terribly nervous.
I'm just crazy busy this weekend. You have to wait.
I'm just crazy busy this weekend. You have to wait.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Oh, by the way...
Henry's 2. I'm still kind of amazed it's been more than 2 years, and he never fails to amaze me. Looking back, he's always been kind of incredible. But then, I'm his mommy, so of course I'm a little biased.
Sleepless, and thinking about it.
I can't sleep, again. Pregnancy mucks up sleeping habits, I know, but it's getting quite ridiculous. When I was pregnant with Henry, I would be up from about 3-7 every morning, and then sleep until about 10 when I could. That worked pretty well. Now that Henry is a 2 year old maniac, there is no sleeping unless he's asleep. This means afternoon naptime, which would normally be reserved for things like cleaning and whatnot, has been devoted to power-napping for both of us. Which is fine, but my house is falling down around me. I'm also kind of nesting, so this lack of order is making me a little bit crazy. There is this tension between desperately wanting to reorganize, clean, prepare, etc. and exhaustion coupled with the desire to turn off my brain entirely. Evenings after Henry's asleep could, theoretically, be productive. But by then I want to sit around and watch bad TV or read a book, or anything but clean. It takes hours to wind down for elusive sleep, and starting projects at 8pm just seems problematic.
Only ten weeks to go - things need to happen! But then, the belly is getting more and more intrusive in my ability to move around, breathe, not pee every three minutes... How did I manage last time? No 2 year old...
And then as I was typing that, that little maniac sat up in bed and, in the midst of singing to himself, said (clear as can be) "Baby Toby" which makes all the bitching totally irrelevant.
Only ten weeks to go - things need to happen! But then, the belly is getting more and more intrusive in my ability to move around, breathe, not pee every three minutes... How did I manage last time? No 2 year old...
And then as I was typing that, that little maniac sat up in bed and, in the midst of singing to himself, said (clear as can be) "Baby Toby" which makes all the bitching totally irrelevant.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Mama Law: We all have our own ways of doing things, and we can't help but share them with anyone who will listen.
With all of the magazines, blogs, listservs, community groups, classes, friends and family we have bombarding us parents with helpful advice on the "best" or "right" way of doing things, the Mama Law is that really, we all have our own way of working things out. Kids have different needs, parents have different lives, families have different dynamics, and communities interact differently. Mash it all up, and I don't think you'll find any two families doing things just the same way, or even one family doing the same thing with 2 kids.
That said, there have been a few gifts of knowledge that have been passed along to me by friends and family, random tidbits I have stumbled upon while feeling my way through the unknown parts of parenting, and tips that I have tried after reading them someplace that have turned out to be golden. Since I am prepping myself for another little one, I'm finding myself reliving the search for products (which kind of grosses me out, but seems to be a necessary evil of parenting these days). I am revisiting my favorites from when Henry was a very wee one, so here a few (they worked for us!):
1. Find a gentle, baby-friendly detergent you love, and switch to it for all your clothes, etc. Cuddling won't cause rashes for the wee one, and your skin will thank you too. A good friend committed to cloth diapering passed along the recommendation of Charlie's Soap, which has become a staple in our house. We started using it before Henry was born, and still use it every load, every time. It is amazing - no scent, super clean clothes, and incredibly affordable! We bought a 5 gallon container for about $120 two years ago, and still have more than half of it left. It's good to the earth, and good to our skin.
2. One good stroller is really all you need. Barring lots of plane travel (there are special demands and needs for that kind of trek!), one seriously good stroller is very much worth it. Again on the recommendation of a friend, we managed to convince someone to buy us the BOB Revolution. It's a bit heavy, but it's perfect for just about everything. No, you can't open it with one hand, and maybe I'd love that if I ever had a stroller with that feature, but I lived without it without a problem. It handles like a dream, Henry is super comfy, and even at age 2 (and over 30 pounds) he is not even halfway to the weight max. The shocks make for a smooth ride for him no matter where we go, and the sunshade is a serious plus in Florida! The extra infant seat attachment and the cup holder for mommy and papa are completely worthwhile investments as well.
3. Find a good diaper (or more than one) that works for you and your baby. I love Huggies Supreme newborn diapers. I have the utmost respect for parents who are committed to cloth diapering, and fully respect that this (or other alternatives like Gdiapers) is way better for the environment, cheaper, and better for baby's skin, but it turned out that these were not for us. Convenience won out. I admit, I'm with Ariel Gore on the cloth diapering thing: I find it suspicious that new moms somehow have to be the first to shoulder saving the environment. Similarly, I have issues with Greenpeace asking me to sacrifice my butt and my nose, but I digress. I'm all about the Huggies Supremes. They have no scent (scent makes me crazy), they are super-absorbent, and they are very soft. You have to find the diapers that work for your baby - some will get rashes from chlorinated diapers, some will need super-stretchy sides of one brand or another, and some can just use the cheapest ones around, no sweat (oh how I envy you). For us, the Huggies Supremes were perfection.
I also love Nature Baby Care (available only at Target as far as I know) for overnight diapers. They have worked better for our big-time pee-er as a toddler than any of the diapers designed as overnights, or even overnights with doublers. And these lovely things, while still disposable and problematic in all the usual ways, are more natural and a little healthier for the environment. They're pricey, so we only use them at night when they are really needed. We didn't try them until H was older, but I will probably give them a try this time around.
4. Buttpaste. It's fantastic stuff.
I'm feeling a bit like a product whore, so I have to stop. I'm sure I will think of more, maybe even things that aren't products. And I just had to ask Henry where his pants are, so clearly it's time to get off the computer.
That said, there have been a few gifts of knowledge that have been passed along to me by friends and family, random tidbits I have stumbled upon while feeling my way through the unknown parts of parenting, and tips that I have tried after reading them someplace that have turned out to be golden. Since I am prepping myself for another little one, I'm finding myself reliving the search for products (which kind of grosses me out, but seems to be a necessary evil of parenting these days). I am revisiting my favorites from when Henry was a very wee one, so here a few (they worked for us!):
1. Find a gentle, baby-friendly detergent you love, and switch to it for all your clothes, etc. Cuddling won't cause rashes for the wee one, and your skin will thank you too. A good friend committed to cloth diapering passed along the recommendation of Charlie's Soap, which has become a staple in our house. We started using it before Henry was born, and still use it every load, every time. It is amazing - no scent, super clean clothes, and incredibly affordable! We bought a 5 gallon container for about $120 two years ago, and still have more than half of it left. It's good to the earth, and good to our skin.
2. One good stroller is really all you need. Barring lots of plane travel (there are special demands and needs for that kind of trek!), one seriously good stroller is very much worth it. Again on the recommendation of a friend, we managed to convince someone to buy us the BOB Revolution. It's a bit heavy, but it's perfect for just about everything. No, you can't open it with one hand, and maybe I'd love that if I ever had a stroller with that feature, but I lived without it without a problem. It handles like a dream, Henry is super comfy, and even at age 2 (and over 30 pounds) he is not even halfway to the weight max. The shocks make for a smooth ride for him no matter where we go, and the sunshade is a serious plus in Florida! The extra infant seat attachment and the cup holder for mommy and papa are completely worthwhile investments as well.
3. Find a good diaper (or more than one) that works for you and your baby. I love Huggies Supreme newborn diapers. I have the utmost respect for parents who are committed to cloth diapering, and fully respect that this (or other alternatives like Gdiapers) is way better for the environment, cheaper, and better for baby's skin, but it turned out that these were not for us. Convenience won out. I admit, I'm with Ariel Gore on the cloth diapering thing: I find it suspicious that new moms somehow have to be the first to shoulder saving the environment. Similarly, I have issues with Greenpeace asking me to sacrifice my butt and my nose, but I digress. I'm all about the Huggies Supremes. They have no scent (scent makes me crazy), they are super-absorbent, and they are very soft. You have to find the diapers that work for your baby - some will get rashes from chlorinated diapers, some will need super-stretchy sides of one brand or another, and some can just use the cheapest ones around, no sweat (oh how I envy you). For us, the Huggies Supremes were perfection.
I also love Nature Baby Care (available only at Target as far as I know) for overnight diapers. They have worked better for our big-time pee-er as a toddler than any of the diapers designed as overnights, or even overnights with doublers. And these lovely things, while still disposable and problematic in all the usual ways, are more natural and a little healthier for the environment. They're pricey, so we only use them at night when they are really needed. We didn't try them until H was older, but I will probably give them a try this time around.
4. Buttpaste. It's fantastic stuff.
I'm feeling a bit like a product whore, so I have to stop. I'm sure I will think of more, maybe even things that aren't products. And I just had to ask Henry where his pants are, so clearly it's time to get off the computer.
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