Waiting around = no fun

This morning Toby and I have had a hectic schedule. Took Henry to OT, went to the car wash, went to the park, then took H to school, then ran home to beat the AC guy to our house since he was supposed to come at 10:30.

We need (and I'm not overstating by using "need" here) to go to the grocery store, but instead we are waiting around for said AC guy to come since technically he could get here anytime between 10-12... I was told he'd call first, and that he'd not be here before 10:30, since I told them I would not be here.

I just saw the company's van drive by my house. Now, we are hoping this means that there is another job down the road and I'll get a call at any moment (it's 11:33 as I type right now). I'm a little afraid they are going to say that they tried to come and I was not here, thus forfeiting my Groupon-purchased inspection. This is also why we arent playing outside; if boyfriend comes and I don't hear him, same worry. Im not convinced he will call. Grrrrr.

Bret has to work through lunch, so Toby has to stay awake until after we puck Henry up at school and take him to ABA therapy for the afternoon. He will also have to wait for more milk because we are out (see, we NEED to be at the grocery right now!), and he's a tired, grumpy, annoyed that we aren't outside little boy.

Today is one of those crazy-busy days that also has weird down time that ends up being totally unproductive. I hate these days. Given that we are about to start home improvements, however, I think I had best get used to this!

Open Letter to My Friend

Today I visited you for the first time in three years. I haven't been able to manage it before today, but there was something urgent about finding you today, Mothers' Day, May 8, three years after you moved on.
I miss you so much. I find myself thinking of you more than I ever imagined I might. Sometimes it feels peaceful, and other times I'm terribly sad. Today was a mix. Visiting, in the shade of a beautiful tree, whispering to you all the things I've wanted to say, I was so sad, but so at peace.
I like to think you'd be proud of me for how I'm handling these mama-challenges I never expected. It's in the moments of most intense challenge that I find myself wishing I could talk to you, seek your advice, hold onto your calm. But it's also in the moments of bliss that I wish you were here to share them with me.
I don't know what step I'm on in terms if grieving you. I don't think I've fully accepted that you are gone, and I don't know how to get to a place of peace about losing you just at the moment that our lives were really coming together. I'm hoping that visiting today, marking today with rosemary on your grave, and thinking of you with a mix of joy and mourning will help me move forward.
Steckley is having her baby any time now. We are all visualizing her birthing her today (at her request), wishing for a peaceful birth. I'm hoping she will come today. Somehow, the thought of a life coming into the world today feels like salve for losing such a beautiful life on this day three years ago. Perhaps Steckley's daughter will possess some of your beauty, calm, and deep wisdom. And perhaps you will be with Steckley, and give her strength, as she brings more life into this world.
You were one of the most amazing mamas I have ever known. You helped shape my conception of motherhood, and I am so grateful to have had you in my life, even though it was for far too short a time.
I miss you, love you, and today I honor you.

Wordless Wednesday: Productive, Peaceful, Yummy Naptime

Baby Hat #1, 2011

This was my first project of 2011, being modeled by the sweet sweet boy who received it. Soft bamboo, simple circular design. Love him!

Oh, heck yeah!!

Contest!

I have a black tie wedding to attend in about a month. I have next to no time to shop, and am in a quandary because I'm in the process of slimming and am not sure what size I will need in a month. And yet, I need a dress.

I have no idea what a lady wears to a black tie wedding when only a cousin and not in the wedding party. Oh, and it is definitely black tie, not an option to spare.

Throw me ideas people - and, much like Crime Stoppers, whoever makes a suggestion that leads to a purchase wins a reward!

I will knit a custom toy/blanket/hat and scarf/messenger bag/etc. for you or your kid or your partner or whoever. Honest to god fancy knitting to order.

This is big time people. Dress me!

And, go!!

Addendum: See how little I know! Here is more info on the event to help you with your search:
My cousin is marrying a lovely gal who is from the fancy part of Charleston, WV. South Charleston, technically. Wedding is at 6, cocktails are 730-830 with dinner and reception following. Reception is at her family's farm I think - it seems like a very large estate. The invites were completely simple, engraved, traditional, ultra-fancy. Cloth-lined envelopes, hand-caligraphied address and inner envelope, tissues, etc. It's not black tie optional, which my brother's ultra-fancy NYC wedding was, it's just black tie. Fancy. Oh, they have a website! www.laurenandwill.com

For the record, Will is my first cousin, and I adore him. Babysat him all the time, the little terror. His fiancé is incredibly sweet and lovely, so I couldn't be happier to be celebrating with them!

Fantastic; I couldn't have said it better, so I steal (with credit)

"I would like to establish a few things about myself: I am not a saint, nor am I unusually patient. In fact, on most days, I would argue that I am decidedly impatient. I have not been "blessed" with my boys because I am in some way more worthy or special than you, and you probably could imagine how I do it every day, you just don't because it makes you uncomfortable."

Heather Newman, in an essay from _My Baby Rides the Short Bus_, an anthology everyone should read because it is awesome.

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Sent from my iPhone.

http://hamstocks.blogspot.com/
http://radicalmamalaw.blogspot.com/

Henry said it!

Wordless Wednesday: my big boys, in the morning

Baby blanket, almost done

This project is killing my wrist. I think I have given myself tendinitis or something. Just started in the past few days, and I'm not sure why it's come up suddenly. Thankfully, this guy is a few rows from finished, so I can take a little break soon. I'm not sure where it's headed just yet, but I'm in love with the colors!

I Love...

... that we can go strawberry picking on a Saturday afternoon with almost no plans just twenty minutes from our house. I love that the farm accepts food stamps for the fresh fruits and veggies that they sell, because getting fresh foods to folks in need is important. I love the crazy pink smiles my kids make when they are in berry heaven. I love that we flew kites after picking berries, and that we are making time and space to freeze those suckers right this year! I love Gainesville, early summer, my family, and fun weekends. Love.

Baby hat and bib, newborn-ish

Baby hat and bib, newborn-ish
Originally uploaded by Hamstocks

Working right along, here is my second project recently completed. Given at a shower last weekend, for a dear little one to be who they are "98%" sure is a boy, this set is super soft organic cotton, which I found on super-sale at Michael's a few weeks ago. While I definitely prefer supporting the local yarn shop, I couldn't pass up clearance organic cotton, so you will see the colors I found in this in use in several upcoming projects.

I should note that I failed to take a photo of the first baby project I did this year, which was, after some truly miserable failures around Christmas, a minor success. It was a slightly-too-large hat; very sweet, tan, organic bamboo, and warmly received by the mama of sweet kittle Elliot, who I have not seen in way too long now!

Baby blanket #1, 2011

Baby blanket #1, 2011
Originally uploaded by Hamstocks

This is the first completed baby blanket for 2011. I have a lot of babies to go... This particular blanket was called "folksy" by my sweet huhsband, but I disagree. I think it's kind of hip, and I love it. I hope it's hip, because it is on it's way north to Chicago, where it will hopefully become a good summer accessory for a little city girl whose papa I love dearly and whose mama I still need to meet!

I think we accidentally stole this today...

Oops.

Open Letter to Mamas of Summer Babies

Dear Mamas of Summer Babies,

OK, so here is my situation: I birthed one winter baby and technically one almost-summer baby, but we had a freak cold snap that May and I was spending most of my time completely stressed out with a baby getting eye surgeries, so, well... I implore you for some advice here.

I know several mamas who are about to have babies, or have recently had babies. I like making gifts, and I can basically ONLY knit. I mean, I have a sewing machine and theoretically could sew and/or quilt, but really, I knit. Not crochet (I have tried and failed for now), knit. Knitting plus summer babes.... Yeah, not immediately the best combination right?

I have finished one blanket which I really like. It's bright, it's a nice cotton that will wash well and wear like iron, and it will also breathe! It's about 3' x 3' and I think it's good for a boy or a girl, but as it's a bit of a bright rainbow it might be better for one of my less traditional friends.

As an aside: I don't expect anyone to pamper a gift I give. I hope it will get used and used hard! I try to pick materials and knitting techniques that will hold up to everything a baby and a washer can dish out. (I have no illusions about some idyllic baby cuddly world that smells like powder and is always soft and clean, trust me.)

So, the dilemma: I could make more cotton blankets. I could make cotton hats. I could make cotton toys. I have a lot of organic cotton ready to knit, I just need some input on what would be the best summer baby gift. I mean, do people use knit blankets in the summer, ever? Does it matter if they are breathable cotton? And hats, what's the scoop? My kids wore them, but one was born in early February and the other was always in freezing hospitals or in the A/C until he was like five months old and the summer heat was wearing off. What kinds of toys would babies like? I did an pretty rad Muno doll, and have done some others, so it is possible.

And really, on colors: do people really still care about this pink/blue thing? My boys wore lots of green and brown and red and navy. The sale organic were a purple-blue and pink, and the sale was great, so I do have these things to think about this time.

One other point: some of the mamas are really good friends. One is the wife of a really good friend (I have never actually met mama, but the papa and I go way back to age six or so). One is family, but not close. And another is a far-off friend who was once very close, but not really close anymore. I still want to shower these mamas one and all with some special love and care, and hey, I also really love excuses to knit like a nut!

So, mamas of summer babies, what would you most want to get if I were knitting for you? And if you aren't a mama of a summer baby, or even a mama, and you still want to share, feel free. I need the inspiration!

With love and care, V

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Sent from my iPhone.

http://hamstocks.blogspot.com/
http://radicalmamalaw.blogspot.com/

Wordless Wednesday: Old Florida

Yeehaw Junction, Buck Hammock Ranch

It seems to be the thing in Vero Beach...

When you are on the cusp of getting well...

The past two days I've been mostly sick in bed. I got some flu-type thing that knocked me out, and it's been killing me to listen to my babies cry for me, or even play nicely, because all I want to do is cuddle them. Mind you, it's mostly because I am stuck in bed and have been forbidden from touching them that I want cuddles oh so bad, but hey.

I've been sleeping a LOT, and watching complete crap on tv (seriously, this Nancy Grace woman is INSANE, but the remote is broken and I was really and truly ill). I've also been reading and knitting, but mostly sleeping and lying about feeling like my body is breaking. Opposite of awesome.

All this rest has made me feel better. I'm not 100%, and frankly am a little scared to be tackling tomorrow on my own again, but I feel waaaaay better. Problem: all this rest plus feeling better equals really intense insomnia. Like the third trimester kind when you are so tired most of the time you want to collapse, but your brain just keeps racing in the wee hours of the night and you feel a wee bit mental. I want to be sleeping! I'm
tired, sort of, but I can't make it work.

So I'm up, making lists, writing blog posts, thinking and thinking, knowing I'll be too exhausted in the morning to do much of anything on my lists, and generally feeling silly. And a little hungry. Actually, quite hungry. I swear I'm not pregnant!

It's nights like this that I think of all the projects I need or want to do, the good parenting things I should be doing, the letters I should write, the calls I should make, the life changes I want to make, the books I want to read, and all the the information I need to learn or relearn. I think of all of it and stress out, and make myself exhausted in the morning, and likely don't help finish kicking that flu, and end up in a rut nonetheless. Nothing gets done. It stinks.

So, if you see me, ask me what I've checked off my list that day - I need to do one thing a day, that's a reasonable goal, yes? Keep me honest people... I need the push. You have been letting me get away with shirking my Wednesday and weekend goals, I know, but I need a good kick.

Merci, in advance and all.

Are you nosy like me?

I love the Internet. I am incredibly nosy, and it is so helpful for finding out about, oh, everything.

If you are like me, and you're all nosy about my life, you'll just die of excitement when you see my husband's blog.

He has started recording in photos what he/our family does all day. You will get to check us out, and he has already been better about posting than I ever have been. So check it out: Let's Hang Out Sometime

Our official family blog is here: The Hamstock Family

I'll be trying to focus on writing here, updating on the boys over at the Hamstock blog, but sometimes I mess it a up. Yeah, so it goes.

Mwah.

First Haircut... Success!

Today... Haircut!

Maybe this cute head of curls will stay curly... Today is Toby's first haircut. Mam is taking the camera, a ziploc, and tissues.

Taking it too far.

Yeah, well screw you too buddy.

Not quite done, but closer!

We started here. We are doing well, I say!

The DIY Potty Doll Underpants Solution!

I thought Toby's enthusiasm was enough to make potty training a snap. Not do much. Little bladder and fine motor skills haven't quite caught up with his precocious attitude toward toilet independence. However, our little attempt today did give me the chance to do a few things:

1) Get ticked off at the toy manufacturers who make all these dolls that pee (very few of which are boys, but that aside...) and make five different kids of diaper packs, but NO underpants! Hellllllloooooo, we use these dolls to potty train, duh. Underpants are required. Just sell little packs if five in white, unisex. Easy. Heck, make them expensive. We will buy them, you'll make a killing. Since you don't make them, I'm just annoyed. Oh, and all the diaper packs are disposables, which isn't cool since even little ones playing should have the option of cloth diapering!

2) Figure out a DIY solution to this lack-of-doll-underpants problem. I used size 6 month (maybe 12 month, little-ish ones) boy's socks. I'm guessing it would be similar for girls. Toby has outgrown them, and there are loads lying around. I used a pricey pair of stride rites the first time, but still feel bad about that. The cheapie ones are even better.

It took three minutes to make plenty of undies for our babydoll. I took photos of the steps below. All you need are scissors :). I feel better about the day now, even though it's clear already that I jumped the gun on this potty business. Ah well, when I try again babydoll will have lots of skivvies!

Toby, peeking

Toby, peeking
Originally uploaded by Hamstocks

He's pretty darn cute, right? We are doing mini-potty-boot camp tomorrow, mainly because he is obsessed with the potty, underpants, and washing his hands, and has started demanding to use the potty all the time. He poos and pees appropriately, though his diapers still do very important work a lot of the time. Tomorrow is just a way to try to get him to respond to his cues better, and help him along this crazy journey he wants to be on anyway!

He's getting his first haircut next Friday, I don't know if I can handle it.

Love.

(Photo credit to Papa Bret)

Wordless Wednesday: Oh, indeed.

Sometimes There Are Moments...

One thing I have discovered during this crazy adventure of becoming a parent and all the hullaballoo that comes along with it is that I sometimes don't want to be a parent. This is not to say that I don't adore my children and that I am not head over heels in love with every teeny tiny thing they do, but I miss being able to call it in every now and again. I miss being able to stay in bed on a Saturday and read a whole book. I miss being able to, on the fly, make plans at 5:00 for a dinner date with friends that night, and have the option of dancing afterwards just be open. I miss sleeping in until the last possible moment and running around getting ready in five minutes and flying out the door - and having that be OK.

I don't miss these things all the time, but lately I have been missing them a bit more than perhaps I ought to miss them. It could be that winter makes even the most energetic among us want to hibernate (shut up, it does and you know it) or it could be that juggling all the therapy schedules with fundraising for Henry's school, my own therapy, diet, yoga, and other aspirational plans is hard. I almost always lose the "who's got the most important appointment" game, and all the snacks wreck my diet. If I had will power it would be easier, sure, but hey.

Today wasn't one of those days, though. I was surprised. I was tired and cranky in the morning, and wanted to go back to bed more than anything. But Toby is cute, and we managed to make it to the kitchen for his milk with lots of smiles and squeals, and that set us on a good course for the day. Things went pretty smoothly, all day. Henry went to school. Toby and I shopped at TWO grocery stores. He napped. I napped. We woke up at the last minute and picked up Henry. Now, in a perfect world I would have not napped, been ready for the post-school snack demands, had everything together and my gym clothes on, and I would have made it to yoga. But that didn't happen, and instead of being annoyed or stressed, I let it go. I let the boys play and watch a couple of shows while I did a few things, and then we just unplugged for a while. We tickled and laughed and played. It was fun, and I found myself genuinely enjoying spending time with my children more than I have in a while. That sounds awful, but it's really just that I have so much on my plate these days, I find it hard to let go and just BE with them. This afternoon, I did, and it was awesome.

And then, after dinner and bath time, Henry and I bundled up and walked around the front yard finding out what the big stars were. His iPad is awesome, so you point it at the sky and it tells you what you are seeing. His favorites were Jupiter and Beetlegeuse (I am sure I spelled that wrong, screw it), and he was terribly disappointed that there was no moon tonight. It was a lovely, random, brief encounter that made me remember how much I adore this kid. He can be difficult, and his challenges are very real, but he is awesome. And sweet. And smart. It was the perfect way to end a great day.

There are a million kinds of moments in parenthood; I'm hoping that this year I will be able to have a lot more of today's moments, because they are wonderful and sweet and make all the early mornings worth it. OK, maybe not ALL the early mornings, but at least two days a week.

(almost) Wordless Wednesday

Toby has been carrying around his rain boot all day. And hugging it. I just thought this was pretty cute, but apparently he stashed pretzels in there and has been snacking. Now I'm on the fence between cute and a little gross, although he's never worn the boots much, so I'm still leaning toward cute.

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Sent from my iPhone.

http://hamstocks.blogspot.com/

http://radicalmamalaw.blogspot.com/

Adrift, for three days.

Thanks to the cleverness of my lady friends, the kindness of my husband, and the desperation of Carnival Cruise Lines to sell tickets, I am about to embark on a little, tiny jaunt to the Bahamas. Nothing fancy; we leave tonight and return Sunday morning early, and we are only docked in Nassau, which is not the most exotic or exciting place in the Bahamas, and there is a good chance of at least some rain.... BUT, I am super excited to have a few days of adult conversations that are not interrupted by requests for help with play dough or mediation over wooden food items. I'm excited for time to read, and sleep, and just be. I may work out. I may drink a little. I may buy a grass bag, who knows! I will drink lots of free iced tea, read, knit, and sleep (hopefully in the sun by the beach or the pool) and will not feel guilty for more than a moment. I'll miss my boogers, but they are home with papa, getting excellent quality boy time together, so that will be magic for them.

Off to pack, now that I am less than two hours from my departure time... Oh, when will I learn that procrastination is not the best policy? (or is it...?)

Open Letter to Myself, Ten Minutes Ago

Dear Self, ten minutes ago,

You are about to promise to make your son a periodic table that is both large and will stick on the wall, and also will be able to have each element as a card on the floor. And you are going to agree that it will be black.

Darling, this is crazy. You don't have the time to make this. You don't even quite know where to begin, and in ten minutes you will both regret this promise and remain befuddled as to how you will make good on it.

Before you speak, think about the fact that Henry has a photographic memory, and will continue to remind you about this promise at inconvenient times until you satisfy his desire for said large, playable, periodic table, and you will feel guilty until you figure this one out.

If any crafty folks out there want to help by throwing out ideas for you, I'd recommend sending them something nice as a token of appreciation. It's only fair.

Sincerely, Yourself, right now.

P.S. You are stealing this Open Letter format idea from Andi, but since you are disclosing this and giving her a shout, I don't think she will mind.

Oh, the irony.

The weather is amazing. A little chilly for some Floridians, but delicious for this one. My garden, having drunk all the amazing rain a few days back, is basking in the rising winter sun and is happy as can be. My kids are (knock wood) healthy. Stocked kitchen (I'm back on my diet, but even my diet-food coffers are stocked). Awesome yarn stash. Promising start for henry to get into ABA therapy down the street from my house, and good prospects for insurance coverage! Good prospects for finding a little daycare for toby, where he can play and hang out with someone other than me all the time (he will love charming new folks, it's his favorite). Life is good, except...

My goodness, I hate that except. I do.

I have no energy and I'm cranky as all get out. I got shingles on my eyelid, and it is so damn painful I can't even begin to adequately describe it. I look freaky, hurt, have splitting headaches and swollen glands, and fear I am about to give chicken pox to my husband. I know I just have to wait it out, but blech!! And ouch!! It makes being in the knelt and enjoying all the amazingly beautiful and wonderful things in the world quite hard for the moment, which sucks because I still see and appreciate how darn good things are and really REALLY want to just enjoy.

But I'm all cranky pants. Boo.

Wordless Wednesday: Puppies

Wordless Wednesday: Late, I know. But I'm speechless.

Open Letter to Pie

An Open Letter to Pie

Dear Pie,

You are way too easy. Play hard to get or something. It takes like five minutes to put one of y'all together, another hour of baking and cooling, and it's all over. Seriously, what the heck? It's not even as if you contain exotic ingredients that aren't sitting around my kitchen. I mean really. It helps that I'm now out of frozen blueberries from the summer, but not really because Henry loves apples, and we always have a lot of those around.

You're killing me.

Love, Virginia

Ps: why anyone would ever buy you from a store is beyond me now that I know how you like to just become in any old kitchen. Mmmmmmm, pie.

Wordless Wednesday: ...and looking at 29 tonight before the thaw begins.

(it looked like this about two weeks ago...)