Open Letter to People Who Talk to My Kids

Dear anyone who might ever talk to my kids,

There are a few things you should understand about my children, lest you have a conversation with one or both of them and start getting some deep concerns about our family.

1. Henry has Aspergers, and he can seriously, truly, I-kid-you-not read and remember details of everything you say and just about everything he reads. He will call you out on whatever he can, because it's fun for him. He will read something and ask you what words mean. He is genuinely asking you for a definition, in the abstract. If he's quizzing you and you mess up, he will tell you you are wrong. If he just wants to know what it means, he will try to make sure he gets the meaning by saying, "so it's like..." and making an analogy. These are often not quite right. Defining words is serious business, don't screw around. He will freak out on you, and he will not let it go. And yes, he can READ ANYTHING, so don't try to be tricky.

2. Henry sometimes makes associations that are off, and it can really screw you up if you don't follow him mentally. Sometimes you have to pretend you get it until you can figure it out. Oh, and his information on people, places, and things is not always accurate, or not exactly. For instance, today we had to pick Bret up after work because it was raining and he had ridden his bike. We couldn't drive in front of his office due to a downtown street festival, so we picked him up in front of Court Services under an awning on the next block. Henry says, "Hey Papa, so you're all done with Drug Court?" He read the sign on the window. Bret is not involved with drug court, promise.

3. Toby likes pretend play, and like most two year olds, he likes mimicking what he sees at home. Please don't freak out if he takes a baby doll, points at it's butt, and says "baby has to be brave. I have to put it in. Be brave baby." Remember, Henry has Aspergers! Part of his protocol is a small shot in the butt cheek every other night. I've gotten better at doing it, he's gotten braver, but it makes things sound totally sketchy. They aren't.

4. When out in public, Henry sometimes throws a fit and we have to physically pick him up and move him. He's usually screaming, and lately it's been screaming things like "you are hurting me! Stop hurting me!!" I assure you, even when frustrated, we are very gentle. In these situations we are even more gentle, because he's list in an Aspie world and we can't even be genuinely mad at him, just help him through to the other side. Toby mimics. We aren't hurting him either, I swear!

5. They make up words. I got nothing for you there.

6. They might ask you about your boobs. Toby especially. He was really into nursing, that's all I got. I apologize in advance. They mean no harm.

7. They like crashing. If conversation stops mid-sentence and one or both throws himself at you, be tough. Be prepared. They are both heavy, so don't engage in a throwing them in the air game after crashing begins, you'll wreck yourself, I swear.

There are seven million more things, but here's a start.

Oh, and thanks for being my platform to test the new Blogger app - it's not bad!

Love, V